“Marriage and Children”
(Matthew 19:1-15)
Series: God’s Fulfilled Promise [on screen]
Rev. Matthew C. McCraw, EdD
First Baptist Church, Bartow, Florida
March 8, 2020
The Passage
Matthew 19:1-15
1 When Jesus had finished saying these things, he departed from Galilee and went to the region of Judea across the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 3 Some Pharisees approached him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that he who created them in the beginning made them male and female, 5 and he also said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked him, “did Moses command us to give divorce papers and to send her away?”
8 He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. 9 I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”
10 His disciples said to him, “If the relationship of a man with his wife is like this, it’s better not to marry.”
11 He responded, “Not everyone can accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb, there are eunuchs who were made by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who is able to accept it should accept it.”
13 Then children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 Jesus said, “Leave the children alone, and don’t try to keep them from coming to me, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15 After placing his hands on them, he went on from there.
Introductory Comments:
Well, we are continuing our series in the Gospel of Matthew. I want to say to you, church, thank you for hanging with this sermon series over the last couple of weeks as we’ve dealt with some heavy topics such as rebuking sin and forgiving our brother or sister an extreme amount of times. Finally, we can relax as we’re dealing with a very light topic today: divorce.
The truth of the matter is that divorce is a topic that has affected nearly all of us in some way. Many of us have friends and family who are divorced, some of us have divorced parents, and some of us are divorced ourselves. It was no different in Jesus’ day: marriages have been suffering since not long after God created marriage.
So, today, as we cover this important topic, let’s go to God in prayer and ask Him to guide us through this.
(prayer)
Do we remember Jesus’ prediction time and again that He must go to Jerusalem to suffer? Well, that journey begins here in this passage. Let’s check out Matthew 19 verses 1 and 2:
1 When Jesus had finished saying these things, he departed from Galilee and went to the region of Judea across the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
So, Jesus has finished teaching in the region of Galilee and now He is moving into the region of Judea, on His way to Jerusalem for His arrest, trial, and execution.
As Jesus is traveling, as with most places that He goes, large crowds of people are following Him.
People want to know what Jesus is teaching. They want to experience His miraculous healing. They wanted an encounter with Jesus. Jesus was willing and able to change their lives and we see that He did. Matthew writes, “ . . . he healed them there.”
There is also one group of people that wanted to trap Him: the Pharisees. They keep trying to trick and trap Jesus, but they fail time and again.
They ask Jesus a question, which leads to several truths that are important for us to deal with today.
Let’s discover these truths together. First, let’s discover . . .
I. Jesus’ stance on marriage (vv. 3-6) [on screen]
Here, we have this question from the Pharisees. Remember, they are trying to trick and trap Jesus. Here’s what they ask, look at verse 3:
3 Some Pharisees approached him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any grounds?”
Before we see Jesus’ response, we must notice here that Jesus doesn’t seek to answer the question on their terms. Jesus doesn’t even initially address divorce; He talks about marriage. Let’s see how He responds. Look at verses 4-6:
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that he who created them in the beginning made them male and female, 5 and he also said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Jesus appeals all the way back to Genesis 1 and 2, at Creation to provide His answer. He says that God created marriage, gave us the gift of marriage, intended marriage to be between a man and a woman, and intends that marriages not be separated. Jesus says, “What God has joined together, let no one separate.”
You see, there were two schools of thought regarding divorce among Jewish teachers of Jesus’ day. One of the groups taught divorce could only happen if there was a great immoral sin. The other taught that one could get divorced for nearly any reason. The Pharisees knew that no matter how Jesus answered He would alienate a certain group.
Jesus was not intimidated at all and pointed the conversation right back to God’s design and God’s Word.
We must recognize, church, that God has a plan and a design for marriage, and that it is, in part, that mankind will not separate that which God put together.
J. Vernon McGee helpfully says, “Divorce was not in God’s original plan. Why? Because sin was not in God’s original plan, and divorce is always a result of sin.” I would clarify, that divorce is always a result of someone’s sin, not necessarily both parties.
Well, the Pharisees press on and ask Jesus a more precise question. Jesus answers that as well, which leads us to discover . . .
II. Jesus’ stance on divorce (vv. 7-9) [on screen]
The Pharisees weren’t satisfied, so they dug a little deeper. Jesus doesn’t shy away from the question and as He normally does, He drops a truth bomb. Let’s look at verses 7-9.
7 “Why then,” they asked him, “did Moses command us to give divorce papers and to send her away?”
8 He told them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but it was not like that from the beginning. 9 I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”
The Pharisees are referring to Deuteronomy 24:1, where Moses said:
“If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, he may write her a divorce certificate, hand it to her, and send her away from his house.”
Jesus essentially is saying that Moses permitted this divorce because the people’s hearts were hard against the things of God.
I think what Jesus is saying here is that the people’s rejection of God’s law was so great, and they were so out of control, that Moses was essentially trying to manage the chaos of the people.
Illustration: this reminds me of when I used to be a substitute teacher in the school system. Sometimes kids were so bad that I just tried to minimize the dysfunction. I didn’t try to enforce the same rules that I did on the kids in my youth group, or certainly not the same expectations that I had for my own children. I just tried to establish some order.
Jesus said that Moses brought this law to the people to try to establish some rules regarding divorce to fit the context of the chaos of the people.
Jesus then appeals back farther than Moses. Jesus appeals to Creation. He says, that this is a holy God-ordained union that is not to be broken.
He, however, does layout one allowance for divorce.
Jesus says that sexual immorality is the one allowance for divorce. That is, if one spouse is sexually unfaithful, the other spouse has an allowance to divorce the first.
The main reason for this is because these two people have made a covenant before God to become one flesh and to be faithful to one another. If one breaks that covenant, it gives the other an allowance to seek divorce.
Notice, that Jesus doesn’t say that the offended spouse is required to seek a divorce against the offending spouse. Grace, forgiveness, and redemption are still available if it is sought by both parties. However, Jesus does say that this is the one allowance.
By the way, the apostle Paul also lays out another allowance that you can read about in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul says that if you are a Christian, and you are married to a non-Christian, and that non-Christian leaves you and wants to get a divorce, you can allow that to happen. We call this allowance for divorce “abandonment.” So, the two biblical allowances for divorce are sexual immorality and abandonment.
Jesus then says all other reasons for divorce are essentially committing adultery.
You might wonder why this is. Why does Jesus consider other matters of divorce followed by remarriage as adultery? Well, remember marriage is a covenant, not only with your spouse but also with God. So, a violation of that covenant is considered unfaithfulness.
Jesus obviously has high standards for marriage and, as followers of Jesus, so should we. Marriage is a holy covenant before God.
The disciples seemed to grasp the severity of these words by Jesus, so they ask a question of Jesus, which leads to discover this next truth:
III. Jesus’ stance on singleness (vv. 10-12) [on screen]
Listen to how the disciples respond: listen to verse 10:
10 His disciples said to him, “If the relationship of a man with his wife is like this, it’s better not to marry.”
Isn’t this funny? The disciples are essentially saying, “Jesus this is too much of a commitment! It’s probably better that someone not get married.”
Let’s see how Jesus responded. Look at verses 11 and 12:
11 He responded, “Not everyone can accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb, there are eunuchs who were made by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who is able to accept it should accept it.”
It seems that Jesus is referring to the statement of the disciples. He’s essentially saying, “Not everyone can handle not being married.” How do we know that’s what He means? Well, because He follows up that statement with a discussion about eunuchs.
This business about eunuchs can get kind of confusing if we focus on it more than Jesus’ point, so let’s not do that. Let’s break it down simply.
First of all, a eunuch is a man whose body has been affected so that he can’t be in a marriage relationship. If you need more detail, come see me after worship.
Second, Jesus says there are eunuchs for a variety of reasons, some of whom have chosen a life of singleness for the kingdom of God, or in order to serve God. I’ve known some people who were single and were in ministry and I’ll tell you right now, they can devote a lot more time to ministry than those who are married and have families.
Jesus then says if they are able to accept it (that is, a life of singleness) then they should. However, if not, they are to seek a holy marriage relationship according to God’s design.
You see, whether married or single, God has a plan for our lives. So, if God’s calling you to singleness, embrace that and live that life of singleness for the kingdom of heaven and the glory of God.
If God has called you to marriage, develop and sustain a marriage that magnifies the love of Jesus and displays the glory of God.
Well, Jesus not only shares His stance on marriage, divorce, and singleness. He also shares His stance on children. That takes us to our final point:
IV. Jesus’ stance on children (vv. 13-15) [on screen]
It was common in Jesus’ day for Jewish people to bless others by placing their hands upon them and offering a blessing or prayer for them. Parents are bringing children to Jesus for this very purpose, but the disciples aren’t quite sure about it. Let’s see what happens. Look at verses 13-15:
13 Then children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 Jesus said, “Leave the children alone, and don’t try to keep them from coming to me, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” 15 After placing his hands on them, he went on from there.
It seems that the disciples thought that Jesus was so important that He didn’t have time for children. However, they seemed to have forgotten what Jesus said in Matthew 18 about the kingdom of heaven belonging to those who are like children.
Jesus loves children; He’s their Creator! He definitely has time for each and every one of them.
We see that after Jesus rebuked the disciples, the children came to Him and He placed His hands on them and He blessed them.
Jesus has plans for all the people in His creation and He loves all those created in His image.
This takes us to our bottom line:
Bottom Line: Jesus has a plan and passion for singles, marriages, and children. [on screen]
(repeat)
God loves us and He has a plan for us. He designed us and He has a design for our lives.
We should not seek to alter God’s plan just because we think that we know better, or the culture has changed, or things get difficult. Let us be faithful to God and His ways.
As I said at the beginning of this sermon, nearly all of us are affected by divorce in some way. So, let us discuss very quickly how we can handle these truths as a church and as individuals:
Concluding Thoughts:
How should the church handle divorce? [on screen]
- We should seek to rebuke those in sin. [on screen]
If we know of an obvious sin, we should seek to call that person to repentance. We should not sit by idly and let sin take over, no matter what it is.
- We should seek to love the hurting. [on screen]
Divorce is painful and ugly. We should seek to love those who are hurting from divorce. Spouses, children, parents of the spouses, whomever! Let us love!
- We should seek to strengthen healthy relationships. [on screen]
The church should come alongside married couples and help them in their quest for a holy marriage.
Our church is uniquely equipped to do this well because we have some who have been married for 40, 50, even 60 plus years!
Let us strengthen one another in marriage.
How should I handle divorce? [on screen]
- Seek to be loving and holy in your relationships. [on screen]
Whatever relationship you’re in, seek to be loving and holy.
If you’re single, be loving and holy. If you’re married, be loving and holy. If you’re divorced, be loving and holy. If you’re widowed, be loving and holy. If you’re in a different marriage, be holy and loving in that marriage. Get on the right track and move forward.
- Seek forgiveness and restoration if necessary and when possible. [on screen]
If you’ve sinned, no matter if it’s divorce or something else, you should always seek forgiveness and restoration. The Gospel of Jesus calls us to forgiveness and restoration.
If it’s possible, and it won’t make matters worse (you gotta be careful with some former spouses), seek forgiveness.
Let me just say a word here for clarification: while we are to love and forgive, if you’re in an abusive relationship in any way you need to seek help. God does not call us to suffer abuse from our spouse, or in any other relationship. I want that to be clear. Get some help. Tell someone you love and trust. Tell someone here at the church and we’ll get you some help.
However, whenever possible, and if necessary, let us seek forgiveness and restoration.
- Seek to call others to holiness. [on screen]
We need each other, so let’s call each other to holiness. If you have an opportunity to help me be holier, please do so. If I have an opportunity to call you to holiness, I hope you’ll welcome it.
- Seek to love those who are hurting. [on screen]
People are hurting, some from divorce; seek to love them. Even when we rebuke others, we do so lovingly. However, sometimes folks don’t need rebuking, they need love.
We sort of have an extended weekly challenge this week, but here’s the regular weekly challenge:
Weekly Challenge: [on screen]
- Consider your relational status. [on screen]
Think about the relationships that you are in and where you stand in regard to your past relationships. Ask God what He is doing in your life with your relationships. Ask God where He is taking you with the future of your relationships.
- Consider the status of our church. [on screen]
God has called our church to be holy. Ask yourself this week how we’re doing as a church. How are we doing when it comes to pursuing Jesus? How are we doing when it comes to calling each other to holiness?
- Take action to improve your relationships. [on screen]
Any relationship that you are in, take action this week to improve that relationship. If you’re a single person, live as the best single person that you can. If you’re married, be a loving and holy spouse. If you’re a parent, love your children well. If you’re a child, love and honor your parents.
Let’s live as God has called us to live: holy and loving.
Closing:
Although some of this discussion on divorce may be hard to hear, we must remember that God is our Creator and our Lord. He designed us and He has designed the way for us to live our lives. We must submit to Him and experience the riches of His grace and love for us.
No matter our past, no matter our sin, God’s grace is there for us. Let us move forward in holiness and follow Him.
(Gospel presentation)
(closing prayer)
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