“Love and Submission in Relationships”
(Ephesians 5:22 – 6:9)
Series: God’s Fulfilled Promise [on screen]
Rev. Matthew C. McCraw, EdD
First Baptist Church, Bartow, Florida
March 14, 2021
The Passage
Ephesians 5:22 – 6:9
5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
5 Slaves, obey your human masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as you would Christ. 6 Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, do God’s will from your heart. 7 Serve with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to people, 8 knowing that whatever good each one does, slave or free, he will receive this back from the Lord. 9 And masters, treat your slaves the same way, without threatening them, because you know that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
Introductory Comments:
If I say the word submission what comes to mind?
What if I told you Jesus submitted himself for others? Philippians 2:5-8 says, “5 Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus, 6 who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be exploited. 7 Instead he emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, 8 he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death—even to death on a cross.” [on screen]
What if I told you that Paul instructed followers of Jesus to submit to one another. We just studied that last week. Paul says in verses 18 and 21 of chapter 5, “ . . . but be filled by the Spirit . . . submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.” [on screen]
Submission normally carries with it a negative reaction. Have you ever thought of why that is? Why do we think of submission as negative?
If Jesus modeled it and commended it, if Paul instructed us to do it, if it’s a result of being filled with the Spirit, shouldn’t we desire it?
Well, today we’re going to consider love and submission in our relationships. Before we do so, let’s pray together.
(prayer)
You may have certain tools or utensils in your house that have a particular function and they are not really utilized to the best of their ability unless they operate properly. I have here with me such a tool. This is a banana slicer (hold up banana slicer). This banana slicer is designed for a certain purpose and it works best when it operates according to its design. In the same way, God has a specific design and function for human beings, and even more specific for those who are followers of Jesus. Part of the design for followers of Jesus is that they will love and submit to Jesus and one another.
In this morning’s passage, we’re going to see three relational pairings in the world of the Ephesians where Paul called for them to exhibit love and submission.
Without further ado, let’s dive into the sermon.
First, we see . . .
Love and submission between . . . [on screen for each point]
I. . . . husbands and wives (5:22-33) [on screen]
Now, let me just say right out of the gate, in our culture, it’s not popular to speak about wives being submissive to their husbands.
The reality is, there’s so much misunderstanding about the roles in marriage, not just from the outside world, but from inside the church as well. So, let’s pay attention as we study this passage and learn about love and submission between husbands and wives.
Look at the passage. Let’s read chapter 5, verses 22-33
5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23 because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32 This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
Ok, there’s a lot to unpack here. However, let’s notice these foundational truths from the passage:
Foundational Truths Regarding Husbands and Wives: [on screen]
- Wives should submit to and respect their husbands. [on screen in sequential list form]
- The husband is the head of the wife. [on screen in sequential list form]
- Husbands are to love their wives greatly. [on screen in sequential list form]
Ok, let’s talk about these truths for a minute. First, wives should submit to and respect their husbands.
In order to understand this truth, you must understand the fact that God created everything and has a particular design for everything. In marriage, God’s design is that the husband is a godly leader and the wife submits to his leadership.
Paul gives us a picture of what this looks like. Paul says wives are to submit to husbands as the Church submits to Jesus.
This doesn’t mean that wives are weaker than husbands. This doesn’t mean that husbands are smarter than wives. This doesn’t mean that wives can’t have an opinion. No! This means that God has a design for wives and it involves, in part, being submissive to their husband’s leadership.
Second, the husband is the head of the wife.
This is God’s design. God thought it best that somebody would be the leader in a marriage relationship and God designed the husband to be that.
This does not mean that the husband is domineering over his wife. Let me clear, husbands if you try to dominate your wife you are in sin and you need to come to Jesus for repentance.
This does not mean that the husband gets his way all the time. In fact, quite the opposite. The husband is to sacrifice on behalf of his wife and family.
Well, how is the husband supposed to lead? That’s the third foundational truth.
Third, husbands are to love their wives greatly.
Notice two models of how the husband is to love. First, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. That’s a pretty high standard, right? Let me just ask you husbands out there, “How are you doing with that? Are you loving your wife like Jesus loves the Church?” Paul said Jesus, “ . . . gave himself for [the church].” Husbands, you are to love your wives in a way that you put her needs ahead of your own and you sacrificially love her and lead her as Jesus does the Church.
The second model of love that we see for husbands towards wives is to love our wives like we love our own bodies. Why does Paul say that? Well, we think about ourselves a lot, don’t we? Paul is basically saying, as much as you think about your own wants and desires, think about your wife in the same way. Again, this is a humble, sacrificial love.
Paul even reminds us of the fact that husbands and wives are one flesh. In verse 31, he is quoting Genesis 2:24. As Christ and the Church are one, so also the husband and wife are one. As Jesus loves the Church greatly, a husband is to love his wife greatly, as he loves himself.
So, we see here love and submission both ways. Husband and wife both love each other, the wife submits to the leadership of the husband and the husband submits to the well-being of his wife. Love and submission, in both directions! What a beautiful picture of love and of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!
Let me just point out, church, that this would have been revolutionary for Paul’s hearers at that time in Ephesus. They were used to having rules for wives, but there was absolutely no expectations that the husband would sacrificially love his wife and submit himself to her needs. This thought was revolutionary in Paul’s day and it is revolutionary in our day, but for different reasons. Listen, church, God’s design is always better than whatever the cultural expectations of the day happen to be. Let us strive for God’s design, not the expectations of our world.
Love and submission between wives and husbands.
Second, we see . . .
Love and submission between . . . [on screen for each point]
II. . . . children and parents (6:1-4) [on screen]
Again, Paul addresses a very common relationship, not only present in Ephesus, but throughout all of human civilization. Let’s see what he has to say about children and parents. Look at chapter 6, verses 1-4.
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, 3 so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. 4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Paul first addresses children here. He tells them to obey their parents in the Lord.
To tell children to obey their parents “in the Lord” means it is in the Lord’s will and desire for children to obey their parents. It pleases God when children obey their parents.
Paul then references the fifth commandment from the ten commandments. Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” [on screen] Paul is reminding children that this commandment is still applicable for followers of Jesus.
So, children, if you want to be faithful to God and be blessed by God, obey your parents when you are a child, and continue to honor your parents all the days of your life.
Next, Paul addresses parents (By the way, we didn’t plan this sermon to coincide with our parent and child dedication day. That’s just how God worked it out. Isn’t that amazing?).
Specifically, Paul addresses fathers. Look at verse 4 again. Paul says, “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Well, why does Paul address fathers? Remember, husbands are the head of the household; likewise, fathers would be the head of the family. They are to lead and guide the family as Jesus leads and guides the Church. So, although the command that God gives through Paul would certainly apply to both parents, it is specifically addressed to fathers.
Paul says to fathers, “ . . . don’t stir up anger in your children.” I think what this means is to not unnecessarily anger your children. In Paul’s time, fathers had absolute control over everything, but sometimes the abuse of that authority stirred up bitterness and anger within the hearts of children. Now, listen, sometimes people get unreasonably upset, both children and adults. You can’t control that. However, as parents, we can push our kids’ buttons so that we anger them too much. We shouldn’t do that.
Instead, fathers are to “ . . . bring [their children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Rather than driving our children away from ourselves and towards anger, parents should seek to lead their children to the Lord stirring up a passion within them for the things of God.
So, children are to love their parents and submit to them. Likewise, parents generally, and fathers specifically, are to submit to the emotional needs of their children by not causing them to be angry and to their spiritual needs by bringing them up to be devoted followers of Jesus. Love and submission both ways.
Finally, Paul speaks about . . .
Love and submission between . . . [on screen for each point]
III. . . . slaves and masters (6:5-9) [on screen]
Now, we’re going to read this and get to what Paul wants his readers to know. However, we’re also going to discuss some issues that may naturally arise after reading this passage.
First of all, let’s read the passage and go from there. Look at chapter 6, verses 5-9:
6:5 Slaves, obey your human masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as you would Christ. 6 Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, do God’s will from your heart. 7 Serve with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to people, 8 knowing that whatever good each one does, slave or free, he will receive this back from the Lord. 9 And masters, treat your slaves the same way, without threatening them, because you know that both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
Ok, first of all, remember that Paul is speaking to the Ephesians in light of the cultural relationships that they had at their time. In the Roman empire at that time, slaves and masters were very much a part of society. Apparently, some slaves and some masters had become followers of Jesus. Well, how should they handle those relationships? Again, Paul points to mutual love and submission to one another.
It’s probably helpful to point out here some differences between the slavery of Paul’s day and the slavery of the Western world during the 1800s.
First of all, slavery in Paul’s day was not based on the kidnapping of a particular ethnicity of people. People became slaves in Paul’s day due to a variety of reasons, including being born into slavery, being sold or abandoned by their parents, being captured in war, an inability to pay their debts, and volunteering themselves to try and have a better situation than what they were currently in.
Further, God’s Word condemns the kind of slavery that we saw in the 1800s. For instance, the Bible condemns people being kidnapped and sold. The Bible condemns abuse of slaves. The Bible condemns the return of runaway slaves to their masters. Above all, the Bible teaches that every human being is made in the image of God, and Jesus died so that they might have their sins paid for and that they might know God.
Let me be very clear for us all: slavery, particularly in the form that we saw in America in the 1800s is evil, sinful, and wrong. Paul is not addressing the merits or evils of slavery. Paul is addressing some of the relationships that were present in Ephesus at the time.
If you have more questions about these issues, please let me know.
Paul tells slaves to willingly serve their masters and to serve them well. He says to serve with “fear and trembling,” “sincerity,” as “slaves of Christ,” “with a good attitude,” and “as to the Lord.” Paul doesn’t instruct the slaves to serve this way because their masters are wonderful masters. No, he tells the slaves to serve this way because they are followers of Jesus and as such, they live a life of love, submission, and honor to others. They are to serve others, including their masters, for the glory of God.
Paul speaks of this act of living for the glory of God elsewhere. Paul says in Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people.” [on screen] He says in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” [on screen] So, as a husband or wife, as a parent or child, as a slave or master, or whatever else, we are to do all things for the glory of God.
Verse 9 is revolutionary in this discussion about slaves and masters. This would have probably floored those listening in Paul’s day. Paul says, “And masters, treat your slaves the same way . . .” Wow! Paul is telling masters to also show love, honor, submission, and Christlikeness towards their slaves! Isn’t that incredible! The power of the Gospel changes everything! This is the beauty of mutual love and submission among followers of Jesus.
Now, one might say, “Well, why didn’t Paul just come right out and condemn slavery?”
Once again, we must understand that Paul’s aim was not to condemn slavery. Paul’s aim was to show how mutual love and submission played out in the existing relationships of the people of Ephesus.
However, there was another situation where Paul was dealing with a slave and a master. In the book of Philemon, a slave named Onesimus had run away from his master, named Philemon. Paul knew both of these men and he sent Onesimus back to Philemon. Listen to the book of Philemon verses 14-17 to discover how Paul speaks into this idea of Philemon holding Onesimus as a slave (it’s only one chapter, so let’s look at verses 14-17), “14 But I didn’t want to do anything without your consent, so that your good deed might not be out of obligation, but of your own free will. 15 For perhaps this is why he was separated from you for a brief time, so that you might get him back permanently, 16 no longer as a slave, but more than a slave—as a dearly loved brother. He is especially so to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. 17 So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would me.” [on screen] Paul is not forcing Philemon to set Onesimus free, but he is strongly encouraging him to do so because they are brothers in Christ. All are equal before the cross!
So, we see in this third relational pairing a call to mutual love and submission.
Concluding Thoughts:
Paul gives these three categories of relationships that are affected by our relationship with Jesus. Church, we must understand that when Jesus rescues us from sin and makes us new, it affects the way that we relate to others.
Paul only named these three relationships, but these truths would certainly apply to other relationships as well: coach-athlete, teacher-student, employer-employee, pastor-church member, grandparent-grandchild, government official-citizen, and more.
That takes us to our bottom line of what Paul is trying to teach us:
Bottom Line: Love and submission to Jesus means love and submission to followers of Jesus. [on screen]
(repeat)
Followers of Jesus are not only to love and submit to Jesus, but they are to love and submit to one another.
Again, look at verse 21 of chapter 5, “ . . . submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.”[on screen]
Let me offer just a couple of clarifying thoughts:
You might ask, “Pastor Matt, what if the person who has authority over me asks me to do something that violates God’s commands for me?” Let me be clear, there is no greater loyalty in your life than your loyalty to God. No one’s authority is higher than God’s. So, we always seek to obey God over another person. Seek to put God first and do your best to honor others in your life as well.
You might also ask, “Pastor Matt, what if the other person in the relationship is not a Christian?” Well, Paul seems to be speaking about relationships where both people are followers of Jesus. However, I believe the principle would still apply in those situations where one party is not a Christian. God’s design is still that we would honor God by honoring others in our lives.
So, seek to love and submit in your relationships. Seek to honor and glorify God in all that you do.
Challenge yourself to do so this week in the following ways.
Weekly Challenge: [on screen]
1. Consider how you are functioning in your roles. [on screen]
Consider your relationships. Are you showing proper honor? Are you showing proper love? Are you humbly submitting?
Take some time this week and consider these things.
2. Show love and submission to someone this week. [on screen]
Practice this type of Christlike obedience. Practice being faithful to God’s Word.
Show love and submission to someone this week.
Closing:
Part of the way that God designed you is that you would show love towards others and that you would willingly submit to others.
Are you living God’s design for your life? Have you discovered God’s design for your life?
(Gospel presentation)
(closing prayer)
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